Monday Memos // 105

Listening:

“Pressure to Party” by Julia Jacklin. I fell fast and hard for Julia and she is now on heavy rotation. I feel like all her songs are just saying the things in my head.

“Pool Party” by Julia Jacklin.

“Maybe'“ by Buck Meek. Saw Buck and Mat Davidson (Twain) play at a house show and I am a BIG FAN of both.

“The Sorcerer” by Twain.

Reading:

Life Without Longing - “Romantic obsession is my first language. I live in a world of fantasies, infatuations and love poems. Sometimes I wonder if the yearning I’ve felt for others was more of a yearning for yearning itself. I’ve pined insatiably and repeatedly: for strangers, new lovers, unrequited flames. While the subjects changed, that feeling always remained. Perhaps, then, I have not been so infatuated with the people themselves, but with the act of longing.”

Naming Plants - I love naming anything.

Of David Hockney and Joni Mitchell Holding Hands - I am one of those people that reposted this on social media.

Joni Mitchell and David Hockney at L.A. Louver gallery in Los Angeles. (image by Jacob Sousa via nytimes)

Craving:

Last week I baked a loaf of banana bread, chocolate chip tahini blondies, and some kind of sunflower seed butter blondie/bread/bar that turned green inside. Saturday I had fried eggs on avocado toast for breakfast and poached eggs on avocado English muffin for lunch. I ate a lot of Chocolove dark chocolate and orange squares in work stress spirals. I drank a lot of fizzy drinks, shaved goat cheddar cheese on chickpea pasta and green pizza crust, and I put kale cashew pesto on everything. My insides probably look wild. This doesn’t even sound like I’m speaking a real language.

Wearing:

Saturday night I put on a gold sequined tube top to watch television while it snowed outside. I also painted my toenails a weird blue that I got from the Allure beauty sale at work—it’s Yves Saint Laurent and it’s called “Kinetic Blue.”

Watching:

I have gone deep on a Nurse Jackie binge. Fleabag season 2 comes out today!!! Olivia Colman’s Oscar speech is amazing and now I love her even more. I watched an episode of Miracle Workers, written by Simon Rich (go read his books now), where Steve Buscemi plays god (his brother Michael pretends to be god in Nurse Jackie)—definitely entertaining but opinion not fully formed yet.

Treasuring:

Friends: Sharing baked goods with them. Getting Honey Mamas from them. Wandering the city with them. Having lunch with them. Whining to them. Laughing with them.

Feelings: Last week I found myself one day flailing back in my chair at work uttering, “I hate everything” (I don’t really mean it) and then a few days later I teared up on the sidewalk and thought, “I love everything” (probably also not true, but better). The woman who interpreted my aura photograph told me I was full of feelings and easily influenced by my surroundings. “Suddenly you’re sad and suddenly you’re happy.” Yes.

Pink signifies softness, sentimentality, sweetness, yearning, sensitivity, and being emotional.

Monday Memos // 104

Listening:

“Miss Chew” (feat. Jesse & Forever) by Nick Hakim.

“Color Me Badd” by Land of Talk.

Reading:

Is It Ever Okay...To Eat the Food Off Your Date’s Plate?

One Scene, 42 Takes and 2 Hours in a Bathroom Stall

Updated Etiquette Posters from the M.T.A.

Craving:

I am an avid craver of bowls. Rice bowls, quinoa bowls, noodle bowls, sautéed greens bowls. Sometimes, when I make them at home, I call them piles. Those tend to be the exhausted moments after work when I just throw together whatever ingredients appeal to me or are readily available (eggs, sweet potatoes, kale, peas, crushed up chips, weird “free table” snacks, hummus, etc.).

This week I went wild on dairy-free ice cream. Super rich and creamy chocolate citrus cake from Van Leeuwen. Ben and Jerry’s vegan Chunky Monkey and PB Fudge, too. Oh, also Pressed Juicery’s chocolate soft serve freeze. I might need to go to Ice Cream Anonymous.

Even when it’s freezing, I love ice cream. (image via medium)

Wearing:

Last week my nails were painted bright blue. I wore lots of wide leg pants—black, mustard, denim—and lots of sweaters—grey, cream, and more grey. I’m really ready for spring now. I miss seeing my legs and ankles and arms.

Watching:

TV: A steady stream of the greats: True Detective, High Maintenance. Also, remembered SMILF, and the second season is better than the first—definitely worth a watch. Plus, I started Nurse Jackie while on a Showtime perusal. (I was feeling under the weather so the couch was my best friend this weekend.)

Movies: I rewatched Frances Ha, hence the story about the scene above. I also rewatched The Royal Tenenbaums, excited about living near the house but forgetting how sad makes me.

Treasuring:

Stories: One of my favorite things is hearing stories. From friends, from strangers, from lovers, from relatives, from children, from performers. I love eavesdropping, I love a really long text, I love a phone call filled with stories. Over the weekend, I stopped one night at an Italian place near my apartment to get a slice of cake to go—cake sounded great and I had a gift card. While I waited for the slice—the kitchen was slammed—I sat at the bar next to a man with great, wild, white hair. He was a writer working on a biography of a modern dancer. He had spent his day going from place to place, snack to snack, writing and writing. Now he was here with a cocktail and a finished chocolate mousse. He admired my wrinkle-free face and I learned a little bit about his days traveling with a dancing company (he had stopped in Gainesville at lease once) and he showed me photos of his stunning dancer leaps and turns. Good stories, good people. The cake wasn’t as good as the last time, but worth the trip.

Monday Memos // 103

Listening:

"Hire" by Girlpool. New girlpoooool. Woohoo!

“Sugar Bum Bum” by Lord Kitchener.

“Cavern” by Liquid Liquid.

Reading:

I wrote about wanting to read Her Body and Other Parties months ago and I’m finally reading it and LOVING IT. So weird and wonderful.

“A wife refuses her husband’s entreaties to remove the green ribbon from around her neck. A woman recounts her sexual encounters as a plague slowly consumes humanity. A salesclerk in a mall makes a horrifying discovery within the seams of the store’s prom dresses. One woman’s surgery-induced weight loss results in an unwanted houseguest. And in the bravura novella “Especially Heinous,” Machado reimagines every episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, a show we naïvely assumed had shown it all, generating a phantasmagoric police procedural full of doppelgängers, ghosts, and girls with bells for eyes.”

Craving:

Dinner from Zyara. “… the Vegan Arabic Sandwich, a kitchen-sink sensation of deep-fried veggies (cauliflower, eggplant, and paper-thin zucchini) plus falafel, tomato, cabbage, and assorted pickled things that all gets stuffed into a housemade pita like circus clowns into a Volkswagen.” (via Grubstreet)

Cupcakes from Sugar Sweet Sunshine. As someone who often proclaims they don’t care for cupcakes, even though I greatly adore cake, these really were outstanding. Very unassuming but absolutely delicious.

Sometimes less is more. (image via sugarsweetsunshine)

Wearing:

When I woke up Wednesday and the temperature said “4,” I just piled on all the things. Long Johns, undershirts, sweaters, boots, scarves, hats, gloves. I am ready for spring. I am ready for summer. I have finally maxed out on the cold. I forgot what it’s like to have my legs exposed to the fresh air.

Watching:

TV: I’ve already rewatched the first three episodes of High Maintenance season 3 (so many amazing comedians I admire keep popping up!). I’m deep into True Detective—it’s good! I tried a couple episodes of The Assassination of Gianni Versace, but I’m finding it too slow. I’m a few episodes in Russian Doll, the latest Netflix original with Natasha Lyonne—I wouldn’t say it’s brilliant, but it’s entertaining. It’s cold! so the tv is on!

Movies: I watched The Lives of Others. A German drama/thriller from 2007. It was very good. As one apt review says, “fierce and gloomy.” I just learned while looking up the cast that the main actor, Ulrich Mühe, died months after the film won an Oscar. So sad.

Ulrich Mühe enjoying his stolen literature.

Treasuring:

Warmth: As cold as it is and all the complaining, sometimes the blast of freezing air, especially when you have a warm home and a warm beverage nearby, can be a bit magical. One evening I walked out of the subway station, music playing in my earbuds, and I let the hot tears mix with the frigid air. Emotional release paired with the refreshing winter wind, hey, it’s not so bad.

My winter look. (image by marc pilaro)

Monday Memos // 102

Listening:

“Dead Flowers” by Townes Van Zandt.

"Random Rules" by Silver Jews.

“No One's Easy to Love” by Sharon Van Etten.

Reading:

This was wild and crazy: A 4-Year-Old Trapped in a Teenager’s Body

This was true: 20 Things John Mayer Looks Like in This Photo

This was silly: Quiz: Who Wrote It: Edgar Allan Poe or an Emo Band?

This was funny and informative: Trader Joe’s Gets into Jackfruit in 2019: The Journey Begins

Craving:

Highlights: cumin-roasted carrots, oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, a fresh Goldberg’s pumpernickel bagel with buttery spread and jam, tuna salad with Branston pickle, extra crunchy dill pickles, and homemade sesame chicken with broccoli.

A perfect New York bagel via Baltimore. (image via Goldberg’s)

Wearing:

It’s been cooooold, so lots of wool socks, turtlenecks, scarves, and beanies. I also wore my new red jumpsuit twice this week. I had a relaxing family weekend where I primarily wore sweatpants and sweatshirts. I looked in the mirror one day and thought I could be mistaken for dude in a 90s grunge band—lots of long disheveled hair and bagginess.

Watching:

TV: I watched the entirety of Sex Education on Netflix in roughly two sittings. I’m having withdrawals. It reminded me of The End of the F*cking World. Endearing characters, English accents, hilarity, really good music.

Gillian Anderson makes for a good wacky mom.

Movies: I rewatched The Big Lebowski over the weekend. It had been years since I had seen it—brilliant as always. I forgot how good the soundtrack is too. When I Googled the movie, this shopping link for the Dude’s sweater (from Dillard’s) came up: Pendleton sweater.

Treasuring:

Unwinding and nostalgia: A weekend in the suburbs means becoming so calm I have no worries or needs. Family laughs and baking cookies and dancing to bad music (We all have “Closing Time” stuck in our heads now, unfortunately). I made a visit to my storage unit for a stack of old journals from 2005-2008. Often painfully angsty and full of pointless minutiae, it’s been eye-opening and very humorous to revisit. So much and so little has changed.

I read a lot about this period of life—my sweet sixteen with Blake and a tandem bike.